Deconstructing His Own Adventure
by XXX420thederpmaster420XXX
Summary: A man gets sent to an alternate reality, but he has a couple of tricks up his sleeve


Prologue

I scrolled through the feed on my Discord server. Moderating was boring sometimes, but it had its perks. It was somewhat unexpected to get over a thousand members for a joke meme server, and I was glad I had time to mod, on account of not having a life and all. Getting unsolicited nudes was fun.

Fumbles sent me a message. He was bordering on being a crypto fascist, but he was still fun to interact with occasionally. He told me to check out a choose-your-own-adventure guide for the novel Worm. Complete it, he said, and he would make a story with it. I hadn't read Worm, but my sibling had, so I could probably bounce ideas off them to avoid making mistakes.

I scrolled through the pages of the CYOA fairly quickly. Fucking hell, this thing was complicated. I grabbed a pencil and sheet of paper so I could make sure not to forget any of my choices, and started writing stuff down.

Okay, so I'd start at the story's start date as a member of the story's equivalent to the Illuminati, except real and actually effective. They were called Cauldron. I decided to do a self-insert, essentially making a copy of myself in the CYOA, but with superpowers. Apparently I could upgrade myself as a separate thing from the powers, so I settled on making myself a tactical genius with a hacking specialty. I was, after all, trying to break the CYOA in the most amusing manner possible. Joining Cauldron meant I could have four powers instead of three, and they could be even more broken than the normal ones.

It was a mistake on the part of whoever created this thing to include references to other stories. I had the abilities of Saitama from One Punch Man (Infinite strength, complete invulnerability, the works), in addition to being an incredibly powerful character from Worm itself, on the advice of my sibling. Apparently, I could now… think of any task, and then know how I could do it? That was going to be so much fun. I grabbed multiversal travel, and the ability to see other peoples' powers, as well. Additionally, I could take perfect memory of the story and remove my need to sleep too. Yoink!

I now had to take some drawbacks to balance out the good shit. I got the Spider-Man package from the Civil War storyline: I had a newspaper that hated me and my secret identity had been revealed. That… didn't seem to be that bad in comparison to the literal fucking superpowers I got.

Now for the benefits of being a member of the Illuminati. I laughed at the absurdity of it. With the remaining points I had, I could, and did, get access to unlimited money. That would mean I could get the best supersuit money could buy, and then some. I decided on a nanomachine suit that could self-assemble around me. My suit would be silver, white, and blue, with cables and plate mail, and a face like the Geth from Mass Effect.

I sent the finished thing to Fumbles. He replied almost immediately with the words, and I quote, "Good luck, you liberal cockmonger with a side of smegma dripping onto a plate of rancid cheese being shitted on by an STD-riddled prostitute."

Well that was… something, I guess. I leaned back in my chair, and felt it unbalance backwards. I tried to right it, spinning my arms wildly, but fell back anyway.

I didn't hit the ground.

You know that feeling you get when you're lying in bed, and you feel like you're falling for a split second, and jerk awake? It's not pleasant. I found that out firsthand, and gripped the sheets around me. I felt a moment of disorientation, and then remembered my conversation with Fumbles. "Son of an omnipotent bit-

A STORY ABOUT FUCKING WITH CYOAS

Chapter One

-ch."

Well, I decided to just get out of my bed, as I usually do, in the morning. Something was odd, as I noticed that my bed was in the center of the room, but I already expected that things would be different. I glanced around, and found that I had built a PC in this universe too. Score! I jiggled the mouse to take it out of sleep mode, and checked the date. Yep. April 8th, 2011.

...I was going to have to save the world, wasn't I. Fuck.

Alright, exposition time to my friends who will undoubtedly be giggling like morons at my misfortune. This world was a mix of grimdark and crapsack. There are three giant monsters known as Endbringers here. One of them pops up every couple of months and decimates a city. Japan got hit by one of them back in the '80s, so tech never really took off like it did back home. In order to get powers, you have to go through trauma that would give you PTSD or worse, so there were more villains than heroes. Oh right, and the asshole who was giving out powers was going to destroy the Earth in two years because it was an alien god that didn't understand morality. Even worse, it was masquerading itself as the most powerful hero on Earth, Scion, in the meantime, so I couldn't just take it out.

A bunch of insanely overpowered villains were also doing their best to make the world even more of a crapsack than it already was. The Slaughterhouse 9, Nilbog, Echidna, the Ash Beast, the Three Blasphemies, Sleeper… the list went on and on. At least some people were trying to maintain order. There was a nationwide superhero team in America that called itself the Protectorate, with a larger, nonpowered organization called the PRT to keep them in check. Canada had the Guild, Mexico had the Súpers, hell, even Japan had a hero team. They unironically called themselves the Sentai.

Oh right, at least one group knew about the fact that the world was going to end in two years and were trying to stop it. Secretly. With no outside assistance. Because… they wanted to? They did have the most powerful supers in the world, though. Including me. Fuck yeah, it felt good to say that.

In conclusion, the world had gone to shit, and it was shit to live in, at least for most people. Except for me, of course, and I was going to have to be the douchebag to stop it from being destroyed.

Well, I thought to myself, I was going to have to go to school today. Hopefully, my schedule will remain at least mostly the same. I went downstairs, and started to get some breakfast. Cheerios seemed like a good choice, so I decided to make a bowl of the oats for myself. While I was munching down on a familiar breakfast, my dad approached me.

"How are you doing, Bill?" Ugh, I thought to myself. I could tell from his tone that he was hungover at the best, and still pretty damn drunk at the worst. "Fine, dad" I said. "Alright son, can you be a good sport and get me a beer from the fridge?" He awkwardly spoke. "Sure thing pops" I spoke as I went over to the fridge. However, I remembered that I had 4 superpowers, and I decided to use my alternate universal one to my advantage here. I snapped my fingers, and vanished from Earth-Bet. I then appeared in a different version of Earth, where the area where my home was, now was an artisan beer shop. I walked around for a bit, and then picked up a bottle of Mornin' Delight, which is a coffee like beer, that I remembered in my timeline was commonly rated as one of the best beers of all time. I snapped my fingers again, and appeared back at my house. "Jesus fucking christ Bill, remember to warn me before you pull interdimensional shit in the dining room!" My dad yelled. "Sorry" I softly said. "But hey, at least I got you a $25 beer for free!" I proudly spoke. "Eh, beer is beer, after all" He said, before downing the entire thing, along with my cries of "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

Well, anyways, I got the rest of my backpack together, and started to walk out, to go to school. I then remembered that I didn't know the way to Winslow HS, so I decided to ask my dad. "Hey dad, can you give me a ride for school?" I knew that getting a ride to school would be better than looking stupid, wandering Brockton Bay for a school that I had apparently gone to for several months by this point. My dad dropped me off at the front of the school, and I walked into Winslow. Just from my vantage point in front of the foyer, I could see 4 gang symbols, dirty corners, and kids were walking like they could be attacked at any second. Apparently, I lived in the bad part of town. Like I had in my universe, I slapped my schedule onto my binder in order to have a failsafe in case I was lost. I turned left, then right, then left again, and I was facing the door of my first class. As I walked in, I instantly thought "Shit, I don't know where my seat is." But hey, I could just take a random seat and hope that it was mine. I waited in there for a bit, as students filed in to the classroom. An exceptionally buff kid walked over to where I was sitting, looking at me with a somewhat pissed of expression. However, almost instantly, he turned around, and started walking in the other direction. The teacher walked in, just before the bell rang. "Alright class, welcome to chemistry, and we will have a quiz today" Assuming that this was the content I already knew from doing it this year in my universe, I was likely going to get an A. However, after glancing at the sheet that she handed out, I realized that the questions were extremely different from the content I learned. The contents related to more practical, metalworking and construction questions than the theoretical content that I was used to doing. I guess Scion had his effects in education, along with most aspects of human life, at this point. But, that wasn't going to be a problem for me. I called upon my task power, Path to Victory, to explain to me how to finish the quiz perfectly. It told me the steps of what letters to put down on the paper, and I handed the finished quiz to my teacher. After some time of other students writing down their answers, and handing them to my teacher, she spoke. "Well, at least one of you got a perfect score on the quiz." Having god-level superpowers was going to be fucking awesome. However, to ruin my day, an even stronger looking kid had to get up. "Fuck you, Bill!" He said. I glanced over at him. Damn, I thought to myself, this guy could be trouble. Especially since he had some minor powers on him, nothing special, just self-muscular manipulation. I decided to have some fun with him. I said "One day, you will stand face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe. And you will have to justify the space you filled." He then decided to sit down, knowing that I could end his existence in 300 ways, just counting my bare fists.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, but I knew that soon, I would have to go over to my nearby cauldron office, and help out Contessa. I asked Path to Victory for help, and it outright told me "teleport to this location" I snapped my fingers, and I found myself standing in an office, with a woman wearing a black suit and a black fedora sitting in a chair. "Hi Contessa" I said.

"Yes."

"You're not even going to ask me what I want?"

"We both know the future. I know what you want, and I approve."

"Thanks."

I snapped my fingers, and went home. My main goal at this point was to help people in the story who had been shat on from a great height. My first stop was to help the protagonist, Taylor Hebert. She was being bullied at school by a member of the Protectorate, to the extent that it traumatized her enough to get powers. Her powers were… not great. She controlled bugs within a radius of a few blocks. On her first night out as a hero, she was scheduled to run across a villain who had single-handedly held off an Endbringer, and she nearly died in the process. I aimed to stop that, help her with the bullying, and overall improve her life. Mostly because, in the story, she had been the one to kill Scion. Don't ask how, it's a long story. Literally.

I then remembered that it was going to be a very strange experience, living in this universe. Mostly because one of my powers means that I don't need to sleep. But hey, I could just stop crime during the night, to pass time. However, I was going to need some help. So, I said the codeword "1312" to cause my suit to activate. From there, I started to fly using my suit around the city, stopping a couple of petty crimes like shoplifting, and mugging. I kept going through this routine, being a hero at night, and being a student at day, for a couple of days until April 11th rolled along. This was the day, in the original timeline, where Taylor decided to first go out and become a hero, and face a literal gang leader/dragon man. So, I activated my suit, and flew out to her approximate location.

I watched as she proceeded to start to attack Lung's men, witnessing how easily they were being defeated by someone with honestly, not that good of a powerset. She was certainly going to be useful for the whole, saving the world part of things. Then, she approached Lung. I decided to make my existence known to both of them, and spook them a little bit

"ATTENTION! Taylor Hebert and Kenta Koda, stand down immediately, or I will be forced to engage in combat with you" Taylor didn't seem to be very happy about the situation.

"Excuse me, but who the fuck are you, and how do you know my name?"

"Irrelevant. Again, Taylor Hebert, and Kenta Koda, stand down, or I will personally end you". This time, my statements enraged Lung.

"Leave now, or you will regret it"

"Fine, I guess you'll have to die first. Might as well play some fitting music. Suit, play Cartoon Heroes by Aqua"

Instantly, the sounds of early 2000's dance pop filled the air. I aimed myself at Lung, and flew myself towards him at full velocity, with my fist forwards.

The effect was instantaneous. I felt every single bone in his body break as I felt my fist literally come out of the other side of his chest. A mere husk of flesh that once was called Lung then collided with the pavement, breaking and bursting even more. Lung was dead. Damn, I could get used to this strength. Of course, his men started screaming about how their God-Emperor had been killed by a dipshit with expensive armor. But I quickly dispatched them with my left pinky finger. I really liked my new powers, as you can probably tell. Anyways, I had business. I removed the nanomachines around my head, showing off my face to Taylor.

"Look, this is hard to explain, but I come from an alternate timeline where the world was completely and utterly destroyed. I somehow survived, and I need your help in order to salvage humanity, and, probably the universe later."

"I'm probably in shock right now, but I'm going to go out on a limb, and trust the man who killed the dragon of kyushu with one punch."

"Ok, great! Anyways, I'm going to use my powers to figure out how we can kill this alien beast."

So, I asked Path to Victory for the steps necessary to kill Scion

The instant it gave me directions, I realized how much of a fucking idiot I am.

"Ok, so apparently, I forgot that one of my powers was multiversal travel, and we can just destroy the central nervous system of Scion, by shattering all of his shards."

"Again, I have no fucking idea what you said means, but I'm going to trust you because you seem to know what you are doing"

"Wait a sec, you probably want to see me save the universe, so I'll need to give you some stuff so you can survive the void of space"

I then sent some nanomachines to her body, and they covered her up. She didn't need oxygen or gravity anymore

"Alright, grab onto my arm, and let's see what Scion truly looks like"

She did that, and I snapped my fingers

We appeared in a new dimension, where presumably, Scion has been housing all of his shards.

"Alright Taylor, this is the thing that we are trying to fi-JESUS CHRIST'S ANUS!"

I saw the true nature of what Scion effectively was. Just a bunch of several hundred shards all connected together via some kind of energy wire. However, the most disturbing thing that I saw, were the shards themselves. They appeared to be multicolored (I mean, every possible color in the visible spectrum, and some) planet-sized masses of alien flesh and organs. They seriously looked like something out of a Lovecraftian story.

"Well", Taylor said, "That's certainly something. It's kinda hurting my eyes to look at this…"

"Alright. But, I need to actually start destroying these things. Brace yourself."

I filled myself with all of the strength I could find in my body, and then lunged forwards, at full speed.

I felt masses of flesh, eyes, limbs, and bones break as I smashed the shards, and sent shockwaves to the wires, damaging his structure. After what felt like hours of destroying every single shard that Scion possesed (Time didn't pass in a normal manner in this space), I looked upon the final shard of Scion, the final little bit of the mad alien demon that was going to end the world, if let unchecked.

"Goodbye you troublesome motherfucker."

I destroyed the final shard of Scion with one punch. He was no more. I then grabbed Taylor, and warped out of this now desecrated dimension.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Taylor asked.

"There's more at stake here than just my life. There's more at stake here than even the existence of humanity. I need to try to warp outside of the multiverse, to see if I can find a universe where I can gain infinite power"

"You do realize that doing so would likely disconnect you from your shards? At the best, you would lose all of your powers. At the worst, you would cease to exist"

"I've made up my mind.' I proudly said. "I'm not wasting any more time"

"Please. Just, if you do find unlimited power, if you do somehow achieve what every civilization dreams to gain, please visit me again."

"Absolutely, Taylor." I grinned at her, as I snapped my fingers one last time

Click.


End file.
